Category: Love and Courtship

Reconciliation
Love and Courtship

The Reconciliation

Love is sweeter the second time around

The day when Lizzy and I broke up was possibly the worst day of my life. Losing her  was so painful. This was the woman who brought so much happiness to my life whom I dearly loved. For a while there, it felt gloomy all around as if the sun that brought light to my life has been taken away from me.

I asked myself what I could have gone wrong. It wasn’t as if we were arguing all the time. On the contrary, I really thought we were doing fine. This lady gets me. She ticks all my boxes, so to speak. I was happy being with her. I thought of what I could have done differently to avoid it, but I couldn’t specifically pinpoint any. 

But she is a complicated being. I realized that I didn’t have to know. All I needed to do then was to understand her situation. I know that she lives a very complicated life and that was enough reason for me to understand. There was no way that I was going to get angry at her. 

Like I said in a previous post, I kept my mind preoccupied in order not to think too much of her. When I sent my supposed final message to her, I was already reconciled with the fact that she was gone for good. I felt oddly at ease with myself knowing that I had told her I much I love her. 

So, I was ready to move on. We mainly communicated through social media, hence I logged off from Facebook, Messenger and Instagram, among others. I was determined to erase as fast as possible any trace of her in my life. But in this day and age, we really couldn’t cut-off social media from our lives. I have to a sneak a peek at Messenger once in a while to check on work-related messages.

That is when I saw her series of her messages to me. She said she wants me back – the most beautiful words one could ever read after a painful break-up.It was a courageous thing for her to do – to make the first contact. Making the first move to repair what’s broken isn’t a sign of weakness. I thank her for having the courage to do that – because certainly I wasn’t going to do it.

We spoke. We expressed our feelings. We conveyed our pain. But, most importantly, we made up. We  were honest, loving, forgiving, and vulnerable. We reached a compromise that we will get back to what we used to have without rancor in our hearts. It was probably the most vulnerable position I have ever set myself into, but she was worth all the trouble. 

We transcended ourselves after our reconciliation. Now, we are going to be one. This is because I have realized that Lizzy is the woman who I want to be with for the rest of my life. 

[Note: This post was first published on November 7, 2017 at https://abelsantaanave.blogspot.com]

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Breakup
Love and Courtship

The Breakup

Breakups hurt, but it is important to remember the good times you shared

As they say, all good things must eventually come to an end. My breakup with Lizzy came right after our Eat, Pray, Love trip to Bali, which is why it came out as such a shock to me. That trip was amazing, as far as I saw it. I had no idea that doubts had already crept inside Lizzy’s mind while we’re on that trip. I thought our bond was strengthened to the point that I even proposed to her while we were in Uluwatu.

It therefore came as a surprise that, just days after our parting in Bali, she would tell me that she was giving the father of her son another chance. I was left speechless at first. The only thing that I could muster to say was: “So this is goodbye.” It hadn’t sunk in yet at that moment. I hang up by telling her “that’s enough.” It was all so sudden. I was literally lost for words.

Having gone through a tough breakup before, I immediately kicked in a pre-meditated contingency plan should this event happen, which is to erase Lizzy from all aspects of my life. I deleted all files related to her and our time together. I threw away all pictures of us together. I cut her off from every Social Media account that I have. I hid all the matching coffee mugs we had bought together. And I, more importantly, tried to throw away the matching rings that we wore. However, I just couldn’t do it, so I just stashed the rings inside the coffee mugs which I kept conveniently out of sight.

This was the wisest thing to do, I thought. I could never move on if I continue looking back. If I see anything that reminds me of her and our time together, they trigger memories of her, which are, by and large, mostly pleasant and happy. I decided to cut her off from my life forever, vowing never to look back.

Lizzy and I had mostly communicated through Facebook, Messenger and Snapchat, so I decided to hibernate from all of my Social Media accounts.  Not only did I log myself out, I unfriended her and deleted every “like” I had made on her Instagram posts – something that had already done with her once. It sounds petty, but I thought it was necessary. There has to be no discernible evidence of her and our time together from now on.

The first night was particularly difficult. I couldn’t sleep so I took out a bottle of port wine and drank it by myself. Yet, it failed to bring me slumber, so I just turned on the light and waited for the daybreak to come. It was mentally draining and emotionally tough letting go of someone that I have loved dearly. Lizzy had been part of my daily routine since we started communicating in late August last year so it felt painful to realize that she was completely gone at that point.

So it had come full circle, I thought to myself. When I decide to court Lizzy, the fear of failure was there, but I decided to do it anyway knowing what the possible consequences were. I leveraged that thought then by telling myself that I don’t have any expectations whatsoever; no pressure to force anything on ourselves. Whatever is meant to happen would happen, I thought to myself. All I had to do then was to trust the process, make the supreme effort and do my best. 

And I did, for a while there. I was so happy – a feeling of happiness that I thought I would never be able to feel again. Being with Lizzy was the happiest I have ever been in my whole life. I told her that she was the love of my life, and I really meant that 100%. Lizzy was the source of my happiness and now she’s gone, but I had to stay strong. She had her reasons for breaking up with me and I fully understood that. Her life was complicated. I did not resent her at all. All I was hoping at that point was that I would be able to land on my feet fast enough.

To keep my mind preoccupied, I decided to just write, write and write. In my spare time, I refused to wallow in self-pity. Instead, I put on my running shoes and just ran. I was chasing the so-called endorphin high to keep my mind at ease. I refused to stay put even for just a moment because that’s when my memories of Lizzy came back to haunt me. One thing I promised to do is to refuse to succumb to the temptation of alcohol as had done in the past. “Keep yourself, busy,” I kept telling myself. 

However, that gnawing feeling of having lost a dearly beloved and wishing to be able to reach out to her was so strong. So it is true then. Heartbreak may mean the end of the relationship, but that doesn’t mean you have stopped loving her. Before I am able to love again, I thought, I must reach out to Lizzy to tell her that I have no rancor in my heart, and that I have only love for her for the rest of my life. I felt that I wouldn’t be at peace with myself if I didn’t tell her that. 

So I logged on to Messenger to send Lizzy what I thought would be my last message to her:

“I want you to know that I am rooting for your happiness. Believe me, I do understand why you had to do this. If it makes you happier, then I support it. We will both be able to move on from this in due time. Please remember that I will always love you for the rest of my life. Goodbye and good luck!”

After having said that, I felt that the weight on my shoulders were lifted. I was finally at peace with what happened. Like I said, it has gone full circle, but my life has been enriched by the whole experience. I will still treasure our memories together – which were some of the most beautiful moments of my life. 

[Note: This post was first published on April 7, 2017 at https://abelsantaanave.blogspot.com]

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Eat Pray Love
Love and Courtship

The Eat, Pray, Love Trip

Our very own version of the Eat, Pray, Love trip

I’ve never heard about writer Elizabeth Gilbert’s bestseller Eat, Pray, Love until Lizzy, the love of my life, quoted the book, when she intimated her desire to see the world and spend time travelling solo. While I may not have read the book nor seen the movie, I was surprised at how much following Eat,Pray, Love has from people all over the world. I thought it was something that only women would tend to gravitate to.

Eat, Pray, Love is a story about self-transformation and resurrection after a deep slumber of being in a traumatic life experience. The story’s protagonist (Julia Roberts in the movie) went through a life-changing tour through Italy, India and Bali that involved searching for pleasure (through food), devotion (through spirituality) and love. But the book isn’t just about travel, spirituality or divorce. It is something that we can all relate to – the yearning to be in love again after suffering a broken-heart.

And that’s what Lizzy means to me. She has opened my eyes to loving someone again to the fullest. It took a while for us to get into where we are now. It took some twists and turns, and certainly a bit of luck for us to come together again. And after I have spent time with her, I ain’t giving up on her as long as she needs me.

When Lizzy and I first planned to go to Bali, I had no idea yet about what Eat, Pray, Love was all about. I was intrigued about it when she mentioned it in one of her social media posts. As I see it, Lizzy’s personal life story (and also mine, to some extent) may just jive with the Eat, Pray, Love experience. Initially, Bali was such a good idea to go on a trip together due to geographic convenience. However, it’s significance to the Eat, Pray, Love story made me look forward to spending time with her there.

In retrospect, our time there was simply amazing. We chose three of some of the better accommodations we could get through AirBnB by posing as a couple going on honeymoon – and we played the part to a T. I brought her a set of rings to make our role-playing seem more realistic and we had so much fun going through our trip posing as honeymooners.

EAT

Bali, with its numerous warungs, is a perfect setting for a gastronomic feast. The local fare, such as nasi goring, mei goreng, babi guling, satay and rending, to name a few, are to-die for, whether you partake them overlooking the beautiful beaches of Kuta, Jimbaran and Seminyak, or the verdant green fields of Ubud.

However, my best “Eat” memory in Bali is actually something that we planned to cook but never got the chance to do. Lizzy and I earlier had planned to cook a pasta dish called Come Fuck Me Penne, in line with our script as couple on a honeymoon trip, and got ourselves to buying the ingredients at Carrefour-Kuta. Yet, we never got to cook that sultry feast because we ended up spending more time doing the actual lovemaking, which isn’t a bad trade-off. We were posing as honeymooners, after all, so we had to play the part perfectly. And we did, vigorously, every day.

PRAY

Lizzy and I aren’t exactly the most religious of people so I wouldn’t know how this part of the journey would unfold. However, Bali is well-suited for this purpose with its numerous Hindu temples and bucolic setting that is conducive to Zen. We got to play this part by going to three wonderful puras or temples, namely, Goa Gajah with its Elephant Cave, Pura Gunung Kawi and its cliff-carved gigantic statues, and Pura Uluwatu and its magnificent seaside vista.

Goa Gajah was particularly memorable because we found a secluded temple dedicated to Buddha (which is deep inside a Hindu sanctuary) where we were blessed by a local shaman who sprinkled rice on our forehead and then showed us a path through the jungle amidst a treacherous ravine and gorge – after receiving a hefty tip from us – where we ended up having to find our way out after getting lost. This is where the Pray part happened to me. I go to pray to Buddha- specifically to bless the rest of my life with Lizzy by my side.

In addition, I think meditation, quietude and serenity through the healing touch of a Balinese masseuse amidst the rich sensual mixture of incense, lavender and local ointments qualify in the “Pray” department too. The time we spent in Bali’s heavenly spas were such an awesome experience that I might have ended up being a spa whore, as Lizzy called it.

LOVE

Eclectic Ubud is where Julia Robert’s character’s search for self-discovery reached her denouement. In the movie, it is where she met the man of her dreams in a fictional beach bar. Ubud is very memorable for us because this is where Lizzy and I reached new heights in our lovemaking. This is where we had our very first outdoor sex in an idyllic setting bathed in moonlight at the poolside while we had the whole place to ourselves.

In fact, the whole Bali trip was actually an exercise in vigorous lovemaking. I came prepared with Cialis to heighten the lovemaking, but the feeling in Bali was so different, and the seven-day sex challenge was awesome. We certainly some of our more amazing lovemaking so far. Lizzy, after all, is the only Cialis I need. She makes me feel so virile and alive.

It wasn’t just the lovemaking that was great. Bali is where I felt so much love for this woman who makes me feel happy and complete. Make no mistake. I have always loved Lizzy, but it is in Bali where I felt most that she is the one who I want to spend my life with. I felt the denouement of my feelings come to a head. I asked her if she wanted to spend the rest of my life with me in one of our more vigorous lovemaking in the aptly-named Puri Uluwatu Nirvana Honeymoon Villa. And I meant every word I said.

To cap it all off, I brought Lizzy to Padang Padang Beach, which was the location used by the movie producers for the fictional beach scene where the story’s protagonist found love. My love for Lizzy has come full-circle with the Eat, Pray, Love book. I have reached my Nirvana literally and figuratively.

[Note: This post was first published on March 20, 2017 at https://abelsantaanave.blogspot.com]

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Missing You
Love and Courtship

It’s OK to Miss Someone

Missing someone is our heart's way of reminding us that we love someone special

It is tough to miss someone you love. The sadness is overwhelming. You feel exhausted because you think about her all time. You feel frustrated for not being able to do something about it. And you feel depressed for feeling all of the above. 

Having strong feelings for someone is hard enough as it is. But being away from her just drives up the emotional roller-coaster. There is nothing that prepares us in this world from separation with someone you truly adore. It’s totally different from that time when you first left home from the grasps of your family to study in the university. 

That is not to say that you love your parents and siblings any less, but when it comes to missing someone your heart pines for, the loneliness is magnified. This is, after all, the person that you want to be with all the time. You want to hug and kiss her, and never leave her side.
 
For the past few months, Lizzy, the love of my life, has had this effect on me. Every time we talk on the phone just magnifies my need to be with her. I have felt this so much and so often that I have went out of my way to see her four times in the past few months. Home is where the heart is. And in Lizzy’s case, I truly feel it.
 
She is the source of my happiness. When I’m with her, I feel complete and contented. I have never felt this way before even in my previous relationships. Lizzy totally gets me in all aspects. This girl makes me laugh, think, love and aspire to be better. Never in my life have I loved someone so much.
 
Which is why it eats my soul that we can’t be together. It is what it is. I have told her before that I have no expectations and there is no pressure whatsoever. But I can’t lie that I do want to be with Lizzy. I want her to be with me always. I want her in my life now and in my future. 
 
There is indeed a silver living in all of these whirlwind of emotions. That feeling of missing someone is an indication of truly loving that person. I love to have that feeling only to remind me that I have someone special in my life that I truly, truly love. 
 
So it’s OK to miss someone even if it alternately brings happiness and sadness. Missing someone is our heart’s way of reminding us that we love someone special. We will only be able to feel how strong our love is for that special person when you’re apart. 
 
[Note: This post was first published on February 21, 2017 at https://abelsantaanave.blogspot.com]
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I Love You
Love and Courtship

The Hardest Words to Say

Saying "I love you" is a difficult task

I always thought that I’ve been in love with Lizzy, the woman I adore, since the first time I saw her. I wasn’t looking for love when I first saw her, but I was immediately struck by her beauty and demeanor. However, circumstances at that time did not permit anything beyond friendship to flourish and I was left with nothing but regret for not even trying.

Fate, however, gave me a second chance and I wasn’t about to go down this time without a fight. Although it came right after a disappointment of not being able to follow through with a prearranged plan that I have already laid out for myself, getting a chance to have her back in my life was more than enough contingency. She is, after all, the woman I have long adored, although I wasn’t prepared to acknowledge that then.

When we started communicating in late August, I had no preconceived idea that this would lead into something beautiful. She was, after all, so distant and, I thought, was no longer attainable. However, the more time I spent chatting with her, the more I realized that I loved talking to her. Not only was I physically attracted to her, I realized that I was mentally and emotionally falling for her too. 
 
And so I finally had the courage to tell her that I wanted to woo her even if it meant having to be in a long-distance relationship where the odds are usually stacked against your favor. However, I was prepared to go the extra mile to make this work. There was no way in hell that I would lose this woman again for lack of effort and creativity. 
 
Being in love with the woman you adore is such a beautiful thing, but telling her you love her is probably the most complicated thing that you could face in your relationship. There’s always the issue of timing and other bunch of parameters to consider, such as, if you are indeed ready to acknowledge this feeling and not appear to be clingy and psychotic at the same time.
 

And I have made some unfortunate remarks to this end when I was drunk a few times, which I promptly took back when I was sober or sane enough to realize my slip up afterward. I had to consider the fact that she does think that saying I love you too early is in fact psychotic behavior. And I don’t want her to label me as such. I don’t want her to think that I am as psychotic as The Millennial.

Yet we feel what we feel deep inside. And I think life is too short to leave important things, such as being in love, to be left unsaid. When I finally had the courage to tell her those magic words without being drunk enough, it actually started with a slip of tongue. She was about to board a bus when I told her that and I took them back right after I said that.

Then, I realized I really meant those words. I have been in love with her for so long that it was probably my subconscious blurting out what I have been trying hard not to say. So when we talked about it over a bottle of craft beer, I told her the truth: that I really loved her and that I don’t care if she thought it was psychotic of me to say that. 
 
There’s no hard and fast rule, nor technique to tell us when to do this. You just feel that the moment is right. Damn the consequences. You see, I truly love this woman and I was prepared to get my heart broken again just to be able to tell her that. Having the courage to tell her that in person is probably the pinnacle of all of these feelings. Well, except the part when she said: “I love you too.” 
 
Hearing those magic words made me the happiest man in the world.
 
[Note: This post was first published on December 30, 2016 at https://abelsantaanave.blogspot.com]
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intimacy
Love and Courtship

That Sexy Thing

Intimacy fuels all relationships

We all crave to be with someone we adore because intimacy is the foundation of any successful relationship. It’s human nature. Hence, being in a long-distance relationship messes up the natural order of things when it comes to intimate relations, especially if the distance is substantial and you get to see each other only a few times a year.

Majority of the communicating in a long-distance relationship is done via social media. During the times when we communicate via text or video chat, this heightened sense of need for intimacy ensures that sex is discussed a lot during our conversations. Yet, talking about sex during video chat or text just drains your energy since you can’t do anything about it except touch yourselves.

Stimulation via voice or visuals ensures that there is a lot of feeling ourselves to cut through the sexual frustrations, loneliness and the distance. We talk about each other’s sexual fantasies and what we intend to do when we meet which encourages ourselves to break down sexual barriers. Masturbation is just another form of communication and sex talk is but a vocabulary we use to break down the geographic distance between us.

These sexual frustrations are often heightened by patchy communication links. As what happened between Lizzy and I when we tried a kinky video chat with a patchy wi-fi connection which led me to run all over the building just to catch a better signal. These frustration actually drove me to the point of deciding to go finally see her.

And when we do meet, we have a lot of sex – as in a lot of sex. It’s not something we plan, but it just so happens because of the pent-up sexual frustrations we keep inside. We’re both sexual people. We love being intimate with each other. We explore sexual boundaries by playing with sex toys. We experiment with different sexual positions. We explore the use of aphrodisiacs and stimulants to lengthen the sexual experience. Sex is definitely much sexier with distance.

With Lizzy, it was something that I meticulously planned up to the point of having myself tested for STD (a requirement she set for me), and an appointment with a sex doctor to obtain the so-called “blue pill” that would ensure that any overthinking or anxiousness would not stand in the way of actual sexual performance.

All these preparations worked, I think, when I finally got to visit Lizzy. As I said earlier, the sex were numerous and very satisfying in that short amount of time we share together. At least, I hope I was able to satisfy her as much as I was given so much pleasure by that experience.

However, it’s the cuddling and the making out that really gets me. Making love solidifies the union in an intimate relationship. Yet, the act of kissing and cuddling with the one I adore is such a fulfilling experience.

[Note: This post was first published on December 7, 2016 at https://abelsantaanave.blogspot.com]

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LDR
Love and Courtship

The Awkward Meeting

First dates are alternately amazing and bewildering

Meeting your treasured one after a very long time of not having seen each other has got to be the best and most exciting part of trying to be in a long-distance relationship. You have to admit that the magical moment of finally being able to lay your eyes on her after a long time of communicating through Facetime feels as if a huge load of emotional stress has been lifted from your shoulders.

When that meeting finally happens, even with all the awkwardness, nervousness and bewilderment of actually being together after a long time, you’d both want to throw away caution to the wind and give each other the affection that you’ve both been longing for. The first intense hug, the peck on the cheek and that first passionate kiss sum up all the beautiful feelings that have been bottled inside. And, it is a huge relief to finally let your feelings flow.

Despite making plans to make the meeting as perfect as possible, what happens in real life is more of comedy of errors. There’s always a big gap between expectations and reality. Of course, you’d want everything to fall into place as perfect as possible, but there will always be curve balls. You learn to take what’s in front of you and just wing with it.

In my case, being able to finally lay my eyes on Lizzy after nearly a year of not having seen her was tempered by the fact that we went out on a group lunch. Hence, I had to behave accordingly. It was awkward not being able to say and do exactly what I had in mind, but seeing her right before my very eyes was simply amazing.

And being out on a first date with Lizzy was just as nerve-wracking. I would have wanted it to take place in a perfect romantic setting – at sunset while sipping wine and smoking cigars. And, I would have wanted to make a move on her under that setting. However, plans could fall through under a mixed confluence of imperfect weather, poor execution and awkward hesitation – as what happened that evening. The beach-side date was otherwise perfect except for the torrential rains that messed it all up.

That first meeting was not all blissful feeling. The awkwardness of not having seen each other was heightened by so much overthinking and self-imposed pressure that I totally missed the moment and clammed up. It’s is easy to flirt through SMS, but when it’s time to back up the talk with real action,sometimes even the best of us wither at the moment.

Yet, there’s always the great equalizer when it comes to nervous hesitation – imbibing alcohol. In my case, sharing with her a sip a vodka variant drowned out the overthinking and hesitation. And when it was time to make my move, I took what was best available and finally kiss her like I’ve always wanted to. Well, that first kiss with Lizzy was, let’s say, very memorable indeed. How could I forget. We nearly rammed another car while kissing.

[Note: This post was first published on November 8, 2016 at https://abelsantaanave.blogspot.com]

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LDR
Love and Courtship

Weird Stuff Happen in Long-distance Relationships

There are weird side effects to wooing someone via a long-distance relationship. It’s not only very taxing on your emotions, but you also start feeling a bit obsessive with the other person.

The problem is compounded if the other party is a popular object of attention from the opposite sex, as in the case with Lizzy, the woman that I adore. She is very pretty which goes without saying that men easily fall for her. In her case, I am not (yet) her poster boy for obsessing over her. She met this guy whom she calls The Millennial who became overly obsessed with her to the point of proposing to her – even if he had two other girlfriends.

The obsessive feeling starts with missing her. When that happens, you usually get the urge to scan her Facebook photos to fill in her physical absence. After a while, you just cannot seem to help yourself from checking Facebook just to see if she’s on-line – and if she is – you take note of her most recent activity logs and notifications. It does seem weird that you start feeling like a stalker and you feel the need to step back. The simple physical absence of a person you care about makes you do stuff that seem obsessive.

And it’s a fair warning that anyone could easily just become like The Millennial, who seem to have missed the boundary between caring and obsession. Not seeing the object of your affection on a regular basis heightens that feeling. Lizzy has already warned me not to be like The Millennial. It could really might just happen to the best of us – being obsessed.

Anyway, this is post is about the weird things that happen to you when woo someone long-distance. Shout out if you have experienced this.

[Note: This post was first published on October 21, 2016 at https://abelsantaanave.blogspot.com]

SLEEP TEXTING
This happens to the best of us. Not as embarrassing as drunk texting, but, yes, it is still pretty embarrassing to wake up in the morning and see you sent incoherent messages while you were sleeping or drunk. Obviously, this happens because we tend to sleep with out mobile phones on our bedside. You intermittently wake up in the wee hours in the morning to check your phone because you thought you felt it vibrate or sound off and then send out gibberish messages while half asleep. You try to make it up in the morning by explaining that you don't know what happened. In my case, it's the constant lack of sleep because I keep thinking about her that makes me do weird stuff like trying to chat with her - at 3 a.m. I try to explain it by saying that it was meant to be sent earlier but got delayed due to system problems.
ADDICTED TO FACETIME
Thanks goodness for mobile apps like Facetime, we cut back the geographic distance a bit making the world sort of smaller. This has got to be a priority in any long-distance relationship because you're never physically together. However, this is extremely addictive too. You also tend to do cavalier acts like: busily doing Facetime while walking in the rain even if you are half-sick; cause a commotion in a coffee shop because either you are talking too loud or you want to yank away the phone chargers of other people so you could charge your own phone; and crossing dangerous corners not giving a fuck because you are live on Facetime with the one you love. And Imagine the trouble if you are not able to talk to her as planned! Then you put yourself on an emotional roller-coaster ride or not sleep at all to troll other people. There is nothing else you do because when you care for someone, you want to see her face as much as possible.
YOU ALWAYS THINK ABOUT THEM
You could be doing any mundane stuff on a daily basis and you begin to miss that special person. It's like when you have a doctors appointment and the doctor had to restrain you from using your phone because you were busy texting her while doing the procedure. It's like those days when you get out for dinner or lunch with friends but is actually not paying any close attention because you're flirting with her on the phone. It's like when you are supposed to attend a Mental Health Wellness Seminar prescribed by your office but never really got to learn anything because you were busily chatting with her. You just can't seem to stop thinking about her all the time. How do you know you have this problem? It's when you constantly hum to the tune of NSYNC's Thinking of You on your car stereo. Well, there's always hot yoga to achieve inner peace.
GREEN-MINDED COERCION
First of all, when this happens in a long-distance relationship, it's a huge red flag. That means you are close to getting out of your mind. If you have done something like asking her to send you a sexy selfie or show you her body tattoo while doing video chat, then you dangerously crossing over the obsessive red flag. Lizzy needs to spank me on the head if I ever do this to her again. I think this happens because of you are looking for intimacy with someone who is geographically miles away from you. Digital abuse is never okay. And if I ever crossed that line, I ought to be ashamed. On the other hand, if it's voluntary, the pictures should be delightful. Or just go and buy that ticket now to see her.
JEALOUS BEHAVIOR
It certainly doesn't feel right when you constantly comment every time she reaches for her phone. Clingy and emotionally needy behavior is a sign that you are getting jealous and you shouldn't be. You need to get spanked again to get back to your senses if you do this. It's embarrassing but it does happen. All you could just do at this point is promise her to do better.
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LDR
Love and Courtship

Long-distance Relations Could Work

Long-distance relationships never get a fair shake. People always dwell on the negative, like how it’s hard to maintain the passion when you don’t see each other often. I, however, don’t see it that way. They can shovel whatever statistics they want to discredit it, but there is a reason why so many couples still engage in long-distance relationships.

I think the reason is: loving or having feelings for someone is hard enough that when you feel it, you grab at the opportunity even if the other person is afar, because you just don’t know when you’re going to be able to feel the same way again. Unless, you’re a serial “faller-in-lover,” if that word even exists.

If I was to convince Lizzy, the woman I adore, who happens to believe otherwise, that long-distance relationships could work, I’d tell her that:

One of the reasons why long-distance relationships fail is that it’s hard to make a meaningful connection when you’re still at the getting-to-know-each-other stage and you’re doing it from afar. That’s not gonna work. Not so when so started as friends or have known each other for a time. Being friends and then upgrading your relationship to a higher plane makes it more likely to work.
Finding commonalities is a vital step in developing a nurturing relationship. It doesn’t have to be a perfect fit as nothing is perfect in this world. It’s being able to appreciate your commonalities and being able to recognize and respect your differences as well. Personally, I don’t need a perfect relationship. I just need someone who won’t give up on me when times get rough. This is where knowing each other helps.
Communication is the fuel that fire of your relationship burning. While it is hard not to have physical, face-to-face communications in a long-distance relationship, we do have at our disposal modern means of technology, even old-fashioned letter-writing, to mitigate the geographic distance. Distance should no longer be a big factor in maintaining relationships. Commitment, compromise and trust should be.
I’ve got to remind Lizzy that while there’s no pressure to do this at the soonest, being able to see each other once in a while is key towards developing intimacy in a long-distance relationship. Having said that, being able to come and visit once in a while on a mutually acceptable pattern and frequency would greatly help. And when you do see each other, the time you spend together would even be more meaningful and magical. 
An important factor in any relationship is being able to give the other party enough personal time to grow on her own. This is something that you can be able to give while on a long-distance relationship. You give her more than enough individual freedom to grow as a person because you aren’t there to micromanage her schedule. It reinforces the need to build trust with each other. 
 
Having said all of that, I wish that Lizzy would take a good look at the benefits rather than dwell on the negatives. Yes, it’s hard for average people to make long-distance relationships work. But I do believe that Lizzy and I aren’t average people. We are exceptional people and we can make this one work. 
 
You have enough time to think about this, Lizzy. There’s no pressure. No expectations.
 
[Note: This post was first published on October 7, 2016 at https://abelsantaanave.blogspot.com]
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I Love Lizzy
Love and Courtship

That Beautiful Feeeling

That Beautiful Feeling

AN ODE TO MY BEAUTIFUL LIZZY

By ABEL SANTA ANA

They say there will always be someone who will come into our life and disrupt it completely. In my own story, let’s call her by the name of Lizzy. I’ve always liked this girl from the first time I saw her. She’s a looker and smart too. She’s got a mean streak, but all her positive attributes help disregard any negatives. None of us is perfect anyway, although she claims that she is perfect in every way. 

We were, for a period of time, office colleagues. At that time, my feelings for her weren’t exactly that pronounced, but it has always been there. Our office was a tough working environment for the two of us since our bosses then weren’t particularly fond of both of us. One thing that kept me going despite the difficult times was the realization that I could get to see her everyday. That was enough motivation for me to keep going back to a very stressful workplace.
 
I also cannot obscure the fact that when we were working together, I made many offensive remarks and awkward advances which might be rightly characterized as harassment. I think those awkward annoying remarks were the first manifestations of my growing feelings for her. Weird as it was, I think it was my way of telling her that I really liked her, although I could very well have been cited for improper behavior.
 
I cannot exactly pinpoint the exact time when I started missing her, but our parting gave me more than enough time to think about her. It is said that one manifestation of the fact that one thinks a lot of someone is if they started dreaming about them. Sure, it’s awkward to admit it now, but she would intermittently appear in my dreams at night. It was probably was based on latent feelings in my subconscious that I purposely kept guarded, knowing for a fact that workplace romance wasn’t really in the cards for me. 
 
When she left, I thought I wasn’t probably ever going to see her again. Then, I made that poignant decision to reopen my long-dormant Facebook (FB) account. I had cut-off my FB account one time when I was on withdrawal mode from an older relationship debacle a few years back. 
 
I had no clue that on that day when I accepted Lizzy’s invite, my life would be upended. I accepted it probably thinking: “where’s the harm in doing that?” I was mistaken because communicating with her opened up a can of worms – those I have patiently stashed in my subconscious hoping they won’t ever bother me again. It’s both a wonderful feeling and a conflicting one, because I know very well that this girl could very well just break my heart. 
 
Communicating with Lizzy is addictive because I really do have genuine feelings for her; feelings which, at that onset, were relatively tame and controllable. Then, I began to communicate with her on a more personal level. I began to realize that I really do love communicating with her. I always look forward to chatting with her at the risk of being annoying. She checks all the boxes for me, so-to-speak. A beautiful person inside and out, she really gets me emotionally and mentally.
 
I don’t know if Lizzy was or will ever be into me, because I’m just really bad at reading other people’s cues. Perhaps, she thought all the while that these were just benign exchanges between two former colleagues. Yet, I have decided that it is worth a try to risk getting a heartbreak to be able to experience again that fleeting feeling of caring for another person. It’s now time for me to try to reach out again to another person even if this means having my heart getting broken all over again.
 
Writer Elizabeth Gilbert, her namesake, says that having a broken heart is a good sign because it means you have tried something. When I look into all these things that are happening to me, I feel the weight of the possibility of failing, but, at the same time, I feel happy to begin experiencing again these long dormant feelings. I have not mentioned what I feel for Lizzy yet. There is, however, a part of me that wishes she would pick up the cues herself. 
 
The last thing I want to happen is for our friendship to end because of these stupid feelings. Lizzy serves a purpose for me which is to remind me of what I am missing in life. I need her to be there to remind me that the best things in our lives are still ahead of us. She’s my shining city on the hill, although it may turn out to be just a mirage. She is teaching me how to start feeling for someone again. I may very well lose the battle for her affections,  but this experience will help me become a better person.
 
[Note: This post was first published on September 25, 2016 at https://abelsantaanave.blogspot.com]

“They say there will always be someone who will come into our life and disrupt it completely.”

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