Month: January 2018

Eat Pray Love
Love and Courtship

The Eat, Pray, Love Trip

Our very own version of the Eat, Pray, Love trip

I’ve never heard about writer Elizabeth Gilbert’s bestseller Eat, Pray, Love until Lizzy, the love of my life, quoted the book, when she intimated her desire to see the world and spend time travelling solo. While I may not have read the book nor seen the movie, I was surprised at how much following Eat,Pray, Love has from people all over the world. I thought it was something that only women would tend to gravitate to.

Eat, Pray, Love is a story about self-transformation and resurrection after a deep slumber of being in a traumatic life experience. The story’s protagonist (Julia Roberts in the movie) went through a life-changing tour through Italy, India and Bali that involved searching for pleasure (through food), devotion (through spirituality) and love. But the book isn’t just about travel, spirituality or divorce. It is something that we can all relate to – the yearning to be in love again after suffering a broken-heart.

And that’s what Lizzy means to me. She has opened my eyes to loving someone again to the fullest. It took a while for us to get into where we are now. It took some twists and turns, and certainly a bit of luck for us to come together again. And after I have spent time with her, I ain’t giving up on her as long as she needs me.

When Lizzy and I first planned to go to Bali, I had no idea yet about what Eat, Pray, Love was all about. I was intrigued about it when she mentioned it in one of her social media posts. As I see it, Lizzy’s personal life story (and also mine, to some extent) may just jive with the Eat, Pray, Love experience. Initially, Bali was such a good idea to go on a trip together due to geographic convenience. However, it’s significance to the Eat, Pray, Love story made me look forward to spending time with her there.

In retrospect, our time there was simply amazing. We chose three of some of the better accommodations we could get through AirBnB by posing as a couple going on honeymoon – and we played the part to a T. I brought her a set of rings to make our role-playing seem more realistic and we had so much fun going through our trip posing as honeymooners.

EAT

Bali, with its numerous warungs, is a perfect setting for a gastronomic feast. The local fare, such as nasi goring, mei goreng, babi guling, satay and rending, to name a few, are to-die for, whether you partake them overlooking the beautiful beaches of Kuta, Jimbaran and Seminyak, or the verdant green fields of Ubud.

However, my best “Eat” memory in Bali is actually something that we planned to cook but never got the chance to do. Lizzy and I earlier had planned to cook a pasta dish called Come Fuck Me Penne, in line with our script as couple on a honeymoon trip, and got ourselves to buying the ingredients at Carrefour-Kuta. Yet, we never got to cook that sultry feast because we ended up spending more time doing the actual lovemaking, which isn’t a bad trade-off. We were posing as honeymooners, after all, so we had to play the part perfectly. And we did, vigorously, every day.

PRAY

Lizzy and I aren’t exactly the most religious of people so I wouldn’t know how this part of the journey would unfold. However, Bali is well-suited for this purpose with its numerous Hindu temples and bucolic setting that is conducive to Zen. We got to play this part by going to three wonderful puras or temples, namely, Goa Gajah with its Elephant Cave, Pura Gunung Kawi and its cliff-carved gigantic statues, and Pura Uluwatu and its magnificent seaside vista.

Goa Gajah was particularly memorable because we found a secluded temple dedicated to Buddha (which is deep inside a Hindu sanctuary) where we were blessed by a local shaman who sprinkled rice on our forehead and then showed us a path through the jungle amidst a treacherous ravine and gorge – after receiving a hefty tip from us – where we ended up having to find our way out after getting lost. This is where the Pray part happened to me. I go to pray to Buddha- specifically to bless the rest of my life with Lizzy by my side.

In addition, I think meditation, quietude and serenity through the healing touch of a Balinese masseuse amidst the rich sensual mixture of incense, lavender and local ointments qualify in the “Pray” department too. The time we spent in Bali’s heavenly spas were such an awesome experience that I might have ended up being a spa whore, as Lizzy called it.

LOVE

Eclectic Ubud is where Julia Robert’s character’s search for self-discovery reached her denouement. In the movie, it is where she met the man of her dreams in a fictional beach bar. Ubud is very memorable for us because this is where Lizzy and I reached new heights in our lovemaking. This is where we had our very first outdoor sex in an idyllic setting bathed in moonlight at the poolside while we had the whole place to ourselves.

In fact, the whole Bali trip was actually an exercise in vigorous lovemaking. I came prepared with Cialis to heighten the lovemaking, but the feeling in Bali was so different, and the seven-day sex challenge was awesome. We certainly some of our more amazing lovemaking so far. Lizzy, after all, is the only Cialis I need. She makes me feel so virile and alive.

It wasn’t just the lovemaking that was great. Bali is where I felt so much love for this woman who makes me feel happy and complete. Make no mistake. I have always loved Lizzy, but it is in Bali where I felt most that she is the one who I want to spend my life with. I felt the denouement of my feelings come to a head. I asked her if she wanted to spend the rest of my life with me in one of our more vigorous lovemaking in the aptly-named Puri Uluwatu Nirvana Honeymoon Villa. And I meant every word I said.

To cap it all off, I brought Lizzy to Padang Padang Beach, which was the location used by the movie producers for the fictional beach scene where the story’s protagonist found love. My love for Lizzy has come full-circle with the Eat, Pray, Love book. I have reached my Nirvana literally and figuratively.

[Note: This post was first published on March 20, 2017 at https://abelsantaanave.blogspot.com]

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Missing You
Love and Courtship

It’s OK to Miss Someone

Missing someone is our heart's way of reminding us that we love someone special

It is tough to miss someone you love. The sadness is overwhelming. You feel exhausted because you think about her all time. You feel frustrated for not being able to do something about it. And you feel depressed for feeling all of the above. 

Having strong feelings for someone is hard enough as it is. But being away from her just drives up the emotional roller-coaster. There is nothing that prepares us in this world from separation with someone you truly adore. It’s totally different from that time when you first left home from the grasps of your family to study in the university. 

That is not to say that you love your parents and siblings any less, but when it comes to missing someone your heart pines for, the loneliness is magnified. This is, after all, the person that you want to be with all the time. You want to hug and kiss her, and never leave her side.
 
For the past few months, Lizzy, the love of my life, has had this effect on me. Every time we talk on the phone just magnifies my need to be with her. I have felt this so much and so often that I have went out of my way to see her four times in the past few months. Home is where the heart is. And in Lizzy’s case, I truly feel it.
 
She is the source of my happiness. When I’m with her, I feel complete and contented. I have never felt this way before even in my previous relationships. Lizzy totally gets me in all aspects. This girl makes me laugh, think, love and aspire to be better. Never in my life have I loved someone so much.
 
Which is why it eats my soul that we can’t be together. It is what it is. I have told her before that I have no expectations and there is no pressure whatsoever. But I can’t lie that I do want to be with Lizzy. I want her to be with me always. I want her in my life now and in my future. 
 
There is indeed a silver living in all of these whirlwind of emotions. That feeling of missing someone is an indication of truly loving that person. I love to have that feeling only to remind me that I have someone special in my life that I truly, truly love. 
 
So it’s OK to miss someone even if it alternately brings happiness and sadness. Missing someone is our heart’s way of reminding us that we love someone special. We will only be able to feel how strong our love is for that special person when you’re apart. 
 
[Note: This post was first published on February 21, 2017 at https://abelsantaanave.blogspot.com]
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I Love You
Love and Courtship

The Hardest Words to Say

Saying "I love you" is a difficult task

I always thought that I’ve been in love with Lizzy, the woman I adore, since the first time I saw her. I wasn’t looking for love when I first saw her, but I was immediately struck by her beauty and demeanor. However, circumstances at that time did not permit anything beyond friendship to flourish and I was left with nothing but regret for not even trying.

Fate, however, gave me a second chance and I wasn’t about to go down this time without a fight. Although it came right after a disappointment of not being able to follow through with a prearranged plan that I have already laid out for myself, getting a chance to have her back in my life was more than enough contingency. She is, after all, the woman I have long adored, although I wasn’t prepared to acknowledge that then.

When we started communicating in late August, I had no preconceived idea that this would lead into something beautiful. She was, after all, so distant and, I thought, was no longer attainable. However, the more time I spent chatting with her, the more I realized that I loved talking to her. Not only was I physically attracted to her, I realized that I was mentally and emotionally falling for her too. 
 
And so I finally had the courage to tell her that I wanted to woo her even if it meant having to be in a long-distance relationship where the odds are usually stacked against your favor. However, I was prepared to go the extra mile to make this work. There was no way in hell that I would lose this woman again for lack of effort and creativity. 
 
Being in love with the woman you adore is such a beautiful thing, but telling her you love her is probably the most complicated thing that you could face in your relationship. There’s always the issue of timing and other bunch of parameters to consider, such as, if you are indeed ready to acknowledge this feeling and not appear to be clingy and psychotic at the same time.
 

And I have made some unfortunate remarks to this end when I was drunk a few times, which I promptly took back when I was sober or sane enough to realize my slip up afterward. I had to consider the fact that she does think that saying I love you too early is in fact psychotic behavior. And I don’t want her to label me as such. I don’t want her to think that I am as psychotic as The Millennial.

Yet we feel what we feel deep inside. And I think life is too short to leave important things, such as being in love, to be left unsaid. When I finally had the courage to tell her those magic words without being drunk enough, it actually started with a slip of tongue. She was about to board a bus when I told her that and I took them back right after I said that.

Then, I realized I really meant those words. I have been in love with her for so long that it was probably my subconscious blurting out what I have been trying hard not to say. So when we talked about it over a bottle of craft beer, I told her the truth: that I really loved her and that I don’t care if she thought it was psychotic of me to say that. 
 
There’s no hard and fast rule, nor technique to tell us when to do this. You just feel that the moment is right. Damn the consequences. You see, I truly love this woman and I was prepared to get my heart broken again just to be able to tell her that. Having the courage to tell her that in person is probably the pinnacle of all of these feelings. Well, except the part when she said: “I love you too.” 
 
Hearing those magic words made me the happiest man in the world.
 
[Note: This post was first published on December 30, 2016 at https://abelsantaanave.blogspot.com]
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intimacy
Love and Courtship

That Sexy Thing

Intimacy fuels all relationships

We all crave to be with someone we adore because intimacy is the foundation of any successful relationship. It’s human nature. Hence, being in a long-distance relationship messes up the natural order of things when it comes to intimate relations, especially if the distance is substantial and you get to see each other only a few times a year.

Majority of the communicating in a long-distance relationship is done via social media. During the times when we communicate via text or video chat, this heightened sense of need for intimacy ensures that sex is discussed a lot during our conversations. Yet, talking about sex during video chat or text just drains your energy since you can’t do anything about it except touch yourselves.

Stimulation via voice or visuals ensures that there is a lot of feeling ourselves to cut through the sexual frustrations, loneliness and the distance. We talk about each other’s sexual fantasies and what we intend to do when we meet which encourages ourselves to break down sexual barriers. Masturbation is just another form of communication and sex talk is but a vocabulary we use to break down the geographic distance between us.

These sexual frustrations are often heightened by patchy communication links. As what happened between Lizzy and I when we tried a kinky video chat with a patchy wi-fi connection which led me to run all over the building just to catch a better signal. These frustration actually drove me to the point of deciding to go finally see her.

And when we do meet, we have a lot of sex – as in a lot of sex. It’s not something we plan, but it just so happens because of the pent-up sexual frustrations we keep inside. We’re both sexual people. We love being intimate with each other. We explore sexual boundaries by playing with sex toys. We experiment with different sexual positions. We explore the use of aphrodisiacs and stimulants to lengthen the sexual experience. Sex is definitely much sexier with distance.

With Lizzy, it was something that I meticulously planned up to the point of having myself tested for STD (a requirement she set for me), and an appointment with a sex doctor to obtain the so-called “blue pill” that would ensure that any overthinking or anxiousness would not stand in the way of actual sexual performance.

All these preparations worked, I think, when I finally got to visit Lizzy. As I said earlier, the sex were numerous and very satisfying in that short amount of time we share together. At least, I hope I was able to satisfy her as much as I was given so much pleasure by that experience.

However, it’s the cuddling and the making out that really gets me. Making love solidifies the union in an intimate relationship. Yet, the act of kissing and cuddling with the one I adore is such a fulfilling experience.

[Note: This post was first published on December 7, 2016 at https://abelsantaanave.blogspot.com]

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